What Can one Criticism do to us?
Thoughts on holding onto negative comments
Coach Rosie
I often think how much a negative comment can impact on the rest of our day. Sometimes a comment said in jest can result in us feeling so different to how we felt before the comment was delivered. Sometimes the person saying the negative comment has no idea of the impact it can have on our day. We can start off feeling on top of the world and just a flippant comment from our partner/friends/children/colleagues can affect us for many hours, sometimes days.
I am very guilty of dwelling on the negative comments rather than the positive. I can remember many years ago I used to produce shows at an Amateur Dramatics group, and we had a really successful run of “Oliver”. The critic came to talk to me after the performance and was so enthusiastic and complimentary and then said one negative comment about one of the cast. This was the comment I took home with me. Nothing positive seemed to stay in my mind. I dwelt on the negative! The good comments went out of the window and the negativity stayed in my mind!
Why do we do this to ourselves?
One perspective is I think sometimes we have a hang up about something personal to us, and we may never have spoken about this to anybody. Somebody may very innocently mention this and bam! That’s it! The hang up becomes a huge issue. It can really affect women if it is weight or image related.
I have spoken to so many women during our Coaching & Accountability week who have mentioned that a comment about their weight or their diet in the past (sometimes by medical professionals/ teachers/ bosses or maybe their mum) has stayed with them forever.
It is our job as Coaches to help them overcome this. So many women have had relatives in the past say personal and quite hurtful comments about their weight/shape/ physique or looks and probably their relative never even realised they’ve done this. But that comment has completely dominated that woman’s mind for so long that she doesn’t see herself as beautiful or strong or sometimes worthy. The humiliation has stayed with them for years.
How sad it is that probably since then so many positive comments have been made. But the damage has been done.
The wonderful thing about Curves is that we all support one another. A lot of us have had criticisms or hurtful comments in the past but we can all help each other look beyond this. We are all beautiful! As we get older and we are conscious of our body changing (which is completely natural) we can be greatly affected by comments, sometimes made very innocently and not meant to hurt.
I listen to ladies say what their doctors or practice nurses have said in the past, sometimes to ladies when they were so young. Do they ever realise what they have done? How demoralising this has been for that woman. How hurtful? And how that has affected her whole outlook on life. Even at organisations that are supposed to be helping ladies with their weight some ladies have been left traumatised.
Our mental health is as important as our physical health. We need to be there to support each other through our “down” days. We need to be “strong” enough physically as well as mentally to actually turn to that person and say “How has this made you feel? Because it has made me feel pretty bad!!!!” If we don’t, that person delivering the negative comment will go about their day never knowing they have caused another person pain unnecessarily.
More importantly though. We need to “value” ourselves more. As I’ve said before, it doesn’t mean that person is happy because she seems to have the perfect life, the perfect family, the perfect figure. She may have huge insecurities that we don’t know about.
We need to accept compliments! I am terrible at this I know! And so many of you are!!! But we need to be able to say, “Thank you”! And……. Compliment a lady if you think she looks nice! You may just make their day 😊
Let’s start turning those negative comments into positives. Let’s face our insecurities. Let’s support one another and finally…………………. Let’s love ourselves a bit more 💜.
Coach Rosie celebrating Suzanne’s great results from her Strength Training workout, along with Senior Coach Dannii